Possible Explosive Ass

At what point did it become socially acceptable to say, "I need to be seated close to the bathroom." ? Ick ick ick!!! Stay home people!!

Table #54

Table #54: Will the sun shine through (windows) and get us?
Me: I don't know. It depends if the clouds move.

Table #10

Me: Hello. My name is Angel. I will be your server.
Table #10: Is that your real name or your stage name?
Me: I will not be dancing today.

Table #58

Woman at table #58: (of her Eggs Benedict) Can I get the eggs scrambled instead of basted?
Me: Sure
Man at table #58: She's worried they won't be cooked enough and that they aren't safe.
Me: We haven't killed anyone yet.

STOP IT

STOP STOP STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!
STOP tucking the paper napkin in your collar before you commence to eatin' your grub in public. STOPPPPPPPP! It's just icky.